A new leaf

Just a quick note about my little blog. You probably noticed a visual change. (And remember, change is good.) Since I am no longer unemployed (woot!), I thought it would be silly to continue writing about my adventures with unemployment. Instead, this blog will be all about my favorite subject - me.


And to keep you entertained, please take a peek at the following video.

Stay classy Provident Bank

It's been over a week since I have seen my colleagues, or ex-colleagues and I find it interesting that I am feeling such a sense of loss. As most of you know, I worked in a satellite office where I would go for weeks without seeing or talking to some of my colleagues. Yet, now I have an undeniable craving for the camaraderie that we shared during our last few months together.

I have had the entire week to reflect on what my experience at Provident Bank has meant to me. I have been promising this post for weeks and I am just now finding the words that I want to share with my ex-colleagues, my friends, and the world.

My experience at Provident has been filled with hope, disappointment, frustration, excitement, but most of all growth. Provident will always be the place where I grew up. I have learned so much about myself at this organization. I learned how to be patient (although my husband may disagree). I learned how to be flexible. I learned how to be a professional.

In a recent Creative Writing class, I had to write about a "strange place." Instead of writing about a physical place, I wrote about the strange emotions I felt over the last six months - from the announcement of the buyout to the pending loss of my job, and the not-so-subtle hope that the acquisition wouldn't commence. As therapeutic as that activity was, I realized that so much of who I am was dependent on what I did.

I don't know when I became one of those people who always asks, "What do you do for work?" before asking, "What do you do for fun?" This past week has allowed me some time to explore my history - how did I become that person? And the answer is simple: I love my job, therefore, everyone else must love theirs, too.

Provident Bank, my colleagues, my friends, taught me that. They taught me to love my job, to love my profession, and to love who I am. Thank you.

**Lesson learned: I will always be a Provident employee.

It's not you, it's me

As you know, I have been searching fruitlessly for a new job. Finally, over the last few weeks, I have been called, interviewed, and background checked by two different companies. I was fortunate enough to have two offers on the table. After a few days days of back and forth, I opted to take the job with more flexibility, autonomy, and exciting domestic travel. I'll soon be seeing the sights of Montana, South Dakota, Oregon, Mississippi, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Arkansas. (Trust me, Arkansas is a lot prettier than you think!)

I made my final decision on Friday afternoon and I realized that I also needed to turn down the other position. Before making the call, I rehearsed. I thought about what I would say, and I decided to thank the recruiter for renegotiating my salary for a $10k increase, for getting me in to see the head of the department, and for being willing to talk to me even though I never applied to her company. (My professor pushed my resume to them.)

I dialed the number and hung up before I finished. Why did this seem so much like breaking up with someone?

I have had my fair share of break-ups and as surprising as it may seem, I have been on the receiving side. I was given the generic lame lines, "We're in different places...This isn't working...It's not you, it's me." The last one actually made me laugh out loud during the conversation. Why do people even bother saying that anymore? We all know it really is you.

Considering the above, I forced myself to be thankful (which I was) and to be confident (which I wasn't). For those of you who really know me, you know that I don't like to disappoint people; even people I don't know. So I tried to think of something that would be gentle enough to say thanks, but no thanks. In other words, I needed to say, "It's not you, it's me" (but we both know it's you).

I prepared and dialed. After six rings, her voicemail picked up. My speech was smooth, confident, and genuine. Two hours later, she called me back. I stumbled over my words when I gave the reason that I wouldn't be taking the job. I settled on, "The other opportunity at the other organization is better aligned with my personal objectives."

Suddenly, a genius idea popped into my head. I quickly described my colleagues and their pursuit of the perfect job. Even though we couldn't see each other, I was sure there was saliva dripping from lips. She immediately wanted their names, but I refused. Instead my colleagues have her name and three have reached out to her.

In the end, all was well. She left the door open for me and I opened it for my colleagues. I hope everyone is able to find what they're looking for, because the truth is that a career should be relationship where you can state the true reasons for a break-up.

** Lesson learned: Stop lying - it really is you.

Don't call me Peter Petrelli

I recently took a Facebook quiz (insert groan here) and discovered that the answer to the burning question, "Which Heroes character are you?" is Peter Petrelli. Initially I scoffed at this notion - I am not full of mid-20's angst! However, upon further reflection (which is all I seem to do these days), I realized that Yes, perhaps I am like Peter Petrelli. Not the angst part, but the empathy part.

When I was a little girl, my mother was fascinated by my ability to mimic her emotions. To prove this point to my father, she sat me down on the floor (I was around 4 years old) and pretended to cry. I immediately started to cry also. This sticks in my memory as the beginning of my co-crying existence.

I am one of those saps who cries at nearly anything - the 90 second Hallmark commercials, the predictable chick flicks, etc. If it is remotely sad or uplifting, I get teary. Just recently I got that fluttery feeling while watching a Gatorade commercial. Gatorade, people!

For those of you who think that co-crying is lame, I agree! I am sometimes irritated by the betrayal of my tear ducts. I am angered that I can't control my body. Then I remind myself that many people have this "disorder" only it isn't a reaction to crying. Perhaps it's a reaction to vomiting. Have you ever gagged when you watched someone vomit? Yeah, same thing for me, except with tears.

You're probably wondering what this has to do with me looking for a job. Well, here it is - I'm sad. And I'm probably going to shed a tear or two (or five or twenty) over the next few weeks. In fact, it has already started.

Last week I facilitated an abbreviated workshop about Change Management. At the end of the presentation, I looked all 26 people in the eye and said something along the lines of this, "As some of you know, I was not offered a job with ***. I want you all to know that it has been a pleasure working with each of you. I have enjoyed your participation and your humor through the years. All of you are the reason that I love my job. Thank you and good luck."

So what do these people decide to do? They give me a freaking standing ovation. Jerks. I completely started to well up! And to make matters worse, I couldn't just politely exit stage left. I had to wait for the Senior Manager to make some gracious comments, shake my hand, and then give me a hug. Oh, the horror.

Three days later, I get a 4 paragraph e-mail from a person at the meeting thanking me for everything, telling me that I am his favorite trainer, etc. And guess what I did when I read it? Yep, you got it. Tears - 2, Nikol - 0.

*** Lesson learned: The mind really does control the body.

Talking in the dark

When I started this blog, my intention was to express my feelings about pending unemployment in a non-verbal way. I chose this medium because I can drone on and on, but also because I don't have to talk to anyone. Not that I am anti-social, but I might get emotional (See previous blog post) and I don't have time for that crap.

As May 22 approaches, I can't help but reflect on the new skills I still continue to tweak. Recently, I learned how to host webinars (you would know this if you've been reading my blog) and I feel that I am pretty good at it. My first webinar was very small so I was able to physically call the participants instead of using the long distance system-provided number. I facilitated a course about LinkedIn as a tool for increasing business results and personal development.

This was the perfect set up since the purpose of using LinkedIn is to make connections and communicate via the Internet. I enjoyed the session immensely and I think the participants did as well.

Fast forward to another session which had double the number of participants. It was not possible to physically call each person so I opted to use the teleconference function. I spent the next three hours talking to dead air. I have no doubt that the participants could hear me - they were actively asking questions and commenting as we viewed various functions. The problem was that I couldn't figure out how to hear them.

About three weeks prior to this, I attended a webinar training class facilitated by a colleague. I am 100% sure that she reviewed how to change the features to unmute everyone. I, however, failed to take copious notes. So there I was alone in my office, talking to no one.

You may think that talking comes quite easily to me and you would be correct. The challenge is talking with no audible response. Try it sometime. Call your answering machine and just talk to it for three hours. Ask it questions, give it directions, and tell it jokes. Then you will feel my pain.

** Lesson learned: take better notes when learning something new.

Meanwhile...

My job these days consists of looking for a new job. Luckily, my boss is really lenient in letting me find a new job while "working" at my current job.

In the midst of this overwhelming task, I try to find some time for professional development. I know that sounds kooky, but I want to stay hip to my profession. (Besides, I *do* have a lot of free time on my hands...)

One of my interests these days is e-learning. I have minimal personal experience, but I am lucky enough to have a colleague (see his blog here) who I consider to be an e-learning guru. Nearly everything I know about e-learning I have learned through him.

Last week, he sent me an e-mail about a webinar hosted by Enspire Learning, D2D, and Skillpoint Alliance. I attended that webinar on Thursday and I was infinitely impressed. Not only did I learn about casual games, I also gained insight on the process of developing a game for public use. The case study that the presenters shared was for a game called Celebrity Calamity. The premise is very simple and fun, two essential elements when creating casual games.

Besides the cool game and wonderful information, I just plain enjoyed the presentation. Earlier this week, I attended a workshop on how to use Power Point. I've been using this software for nearly ten years, so I wasn't expecting to learn much. How wrong I was!

I learned all kinds of tricks and shortcuts and cool formatting strategies. Additionally, the facilitator (another colleague) gave us some tips on how to do a presentation - short sentences, large font, testing projectors, etc. The webinar that I attended seemed to follow all of her directions.

Next week, I will be attending another workshop (also facilitated by a colleague) that will teach me how to host a webinar. I'm so excited. I created a special Power Point presentation just for this occasion.

So this post is dedicated to

1. My boss - for giving me time and opportunity to stay engaged in my "job" and encouraging and supporting me in my fruitless job search.


2. My e-learning guru - for providing me with knowledge, anecdotes, and resources for my new found interest.


3. My Power Point facilitator - for reminding me that years of experience does not correlate to mastery.


4. My webinar facilitator - for sharing expertise and giving me something to look forward to.

** Lesson learned: On May 22, I will miss the people more than I will miss the job

And now for something completely different

On Saturday, March 28, I attended a job fair hosted by my local county government. Originally this was called the "My County Mega Job Fair." Upon further investigation, the title was actually called "Envision your Success." After my previous experiences, I was not hopeful about my success.

I was pleasantly surprised. As I pushed through the door, I was immediately greeted by someone who handed me a map and invited me to sign up for workshops. Workshops? I perused the offerings and settled on "Surviving a Job Loss," an hour long session on what to expect and how to deal with losing a job. Perfect.

While I waited for the workshop, I investigated the employers and talked to a few. The employers were nice enough, but the most impressive part was that the booths were spread throughout the building on multiple floors. No one was waiting in line and no one was bumping into anyone else. And no one was stinky!

The next best part? Scattered throughout the halls were volunteers answering questions and directing people to the appropriate floor or booth. Additionally, get ready for this, they were all happy! Everyone was smiling and seemed to be enjoying spending their rainy Saturday morning helping the soon to be unemployed find a new job. This really set the tone for the whole day. The unemployed are so much more relaxed if people around them are helpful. Crazy thought, I know.

Since the theme was not strictly a job fair, the booths also represented non-profit organizations helping people start their own business, local continuing education resources, and my personal favorite – the Human Rights group. Their sole purpose was to talk to potential employees about fair hiring practices. They had posters and fliers about what questions/topics are legal and illegal to discuss during an interview. They were also handing out cards with a hotline to "turn in" employers who were violating these laws.

The workshop was great. Someone from the unemployment office was there to answer questions. Several representatives from free training centers offered advice. And the lead presenter made us feel comfortable enough that some of us cracked jokes.

I dropped my resume off with a few people; I don't expect a call back. But what I gained was more than that, I got a true sense of community. I know that sounds cheesy, and I'm not quite sure what it means, but I know I felt it.

** Lesson learned: My local government really does care about me.