It's not you, it's me

As you know, I have been searching fruitlessly for a new job. Finally, over the last few weeks, I have been called, interviewed, and background checked by two different companies. I was fortunate enough to have two offers on the table. After a few days days of back and forth, I opted to take the job with more flexibility, autonomy, and exciting domestic travel. I'll soon be seeing the sights of Montana, South Dakota, Oregon, Mississippi, Florida, Pennsylvania, and Arkansas. (Trust me, Arkansas is a lot prettier than you think!)

I made my final decision on Friday afternoon and I realized that I also needed to turn down the other position. Before making the call, I rehearsed. I thought about what I would say, and I decided to thank the recruiter for renegotiating my salary for a $10k increase, for getting me in to see the head of the department, and for being willing to talk to me even though I never applied to her company. (My professor pushed my resume to them.)

I dialed the number and hung up before I finished. Why did this seem so much like breaking up with someone?

I have had my fair share of break-ups and as surprising as it may seem, I have been on the receiving side. I was given the generic lame lines, "We're in different places...This isn't working...It's not you, it's me." The last one actually made me laugh out loud during the conversation. Why do people even bother saying that anymore? We all know it really is you.

Considering the above, I forced myself to be thankful (which I was) and to be confident (which I wasn't). For those of you who really know me, you know that I don't like to disappoint people; even people I don't know. So I tried to think of something that would be gentle enough to say thanks, but no thanks. In other words, I needed to say, "It's not you, it's me" (but we both know it's you).

I prepared and dialed. After six rings, her voicemail picked up. My speech was smooth, confident, and genuine. Two hours later, she called me back. I stumbled over my words when I gave the reason that I wouldn't be taking the job. I settled on, "The other opportunity at the other organization is better aligned with my personal objectives."

Suddenly, a genius idea popped into my head. I quickly described my colleagues and their pursuit of the perfect job. Even though we couldn't see each other, I was sure there was saliva dripping from lips. She immediately wanted their names, but I refused. Instead my colleagues have her name and three have reached out to her.

In the end, all was well. She left the door open for me and I opened it for my colleagues. I hope everyone is able to find what they're looking for, because the truth is that a career should be relationship where you can state the true reasons for a break-up.

** Lesson learned: Stop lying - it really is you.